i wrote a poem last year called unique is so lonely and i know i posted it and saved it but i cannot find it
(well at least that is worth a laugh)
i think the pain comes from
my believing people
who say they are
my family
my friends
and me then believing
as family and friend to them
i am here for them
i have always been saying i do not know how to stop loving
but
as i sit here typing
i am thinking
that all that saying
made me talk myself into believing
it is true
so, if it is not the things that arise
which confuse me
and for which i reach out for help
that cause this pain
but the family and friends
who do not respond
or respond to say they are busy
that then makes me notice the pain
then i need to stop calling on them
furthermore, the life long mantra
that repeats in my head
when they call upon me
is
i do not know how to stop loving
so i respond to them
and never just to say i am busy
well, it seems like
i am responsible
for the pain i now feel
i do not need to find that poem
to do for myself what is just
and that is
first a correction of course
go all the way in the opposite direction
to counterbalance the garbage
i have talked my soul into believing
all this time
after that
just live
ma life
amen
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